Fire Cricket: an idea to make Cricket a little more exciting
Cricket: The most mind numbing game ever!
Cricket is boring. Fact. It has some fundamental problems that make it boring - most notably, one game lasts for days. Days!
I have some plans to make it a little more interesting.
Apparently, you have ten batsmen. As I'm sure you know, they go out in pairs and hit the ball until one goes out, then someone replaces that batsman. This continues until there's are no batsmen left. Well there in lies your problem. That's why it lasts for days. We can significantly speed this process up, but first I must rename a few fundamental parts of the ground.
Firstly, you can't call the bit in the middle a pitch, it's confusing. You have a football pitch, that's the entire ground. So we will do the same here. So the cricket oval is now the cricket pitch. Secondly, the bit in the middle, you bowl down, so we will call this the bowling alley. Fact is, if you start calling things for what they are, everything gets a little easier.
Anyway, back to the issue at hand. So 10 batsmen, two at a time. That's five alleys in the middle. They all play at the same time. Sure your rubbish batsmen go out quick, and you're just left with your best two - that's the point. We've just cut the game in half there. Thank me later.
Next problem. Those balls. They're frikkin' hard! You wonder why so few people play cricket? There's your answer. When you're at school and you play cricket in sports class, when you catch that ball - it hurts. I wouldn't want to be one of those kids that can't catch. Ouch! You want more people to play: use tennis balls. Tennis balls are great, they don't hurt, they're easy to catch and easy to throw.
Using tennis balls you can also lose all that rubbish armour the batsmen have to use. No cups, pads, helmets or gloves. This means they can run faster, which will speed up the game and make it more exciting. And in the summer the batsmen won't look like a rotisserie chicken.
Right, now let's make it even more exciting. Let's set that tennis ball on fire. Fire makes everything more exciting. Who doesn't like fire? (Fielders can wear gloves, whatever.) You can even have special night-time games - how cool would that ball look at night! Now, that ball will not be on fire while the bowler has it, but there is a ring of fire down the bowling alley, which the bowler bowls through to set the ball on fire. Oh yeah, extra dimensions!
Next, the wicket is made of dynamite. Okay, I know, it sounds dangerous. That's because it is. But hey, there's nothing like a bit of danger to make things exciting. And, on the bright side, your batters will will never work so hard to defend those stumps.
New glove Invention
The wicket keeper has special gloves. They're kind of normal, only they're covered with what I can only describe as, a plastic bag filled with water attached to the palms. When the wicket keeper catches the ball, the plastic will melt and extinguish the fireball. This also helps saving lives when hitting the wicket with the ball trying to get someone out. I mean, could you imagine the uproar there would be if the batsman died when he wasn't even out. I can't imagine.
No more LBW
It's been pointed out the LBW's are a bit of a problem. Solved that too. Firstly it was proposed to douse their legs in petrol. Genius idea. If you cheat: you pay the consequences. However, after some extensive research, we found that the petrol evaporates too quickly. So I finally decided upon, dipping the batsmen's legs in the same substance on the tips of matches. I'm telling you - they'll only do it once.
The killer move
Okay, we're pretty much there. Except there's one major new rule to incorporate. We will call it The Goblet of Fire!.... No.... That's been done. Umm... The Fire Cup! Okay it's a boring name. But fact is, that's what it is. Oh, okay.... The Awesome Fire Cup! Now that's a name!
So, The Awesome Fire Cup is simple. If the ball lands in it directly from the bat, that team wins. Outright. No question. They can be a million runs behind, and still win if they can hit the ball in The Awesome Fire Cup. It's an awesome rule. The cup (actually bucket sized) should be positioned in the crowd to encourage big hits for six. This should discourage boring defensive play.
This will also keep the crowd alert and on their toes, as if there is a chance a flaming ball hitting you in the face: you
certainly won't fall asleep with boredom.